even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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