Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
