I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
