I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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