i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
