It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize