I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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