I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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