okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize