She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize