I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize