Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
