I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
