that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
