Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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