he was CRYING into my vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
