just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
