FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
