And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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