I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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