So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
