At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
