I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
