this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
