I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
