Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
