I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he thought i was a dude.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize