omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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