3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
