This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
