I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
