I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
