found the other keg... it's in the tree
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
