So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
