you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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