it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
