My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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