i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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