I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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