I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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