I skipped work to stalk him.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
