No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
