Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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