we have pet lesbian snakes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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