fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
where are my eyebrows?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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