Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
