thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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