Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
