She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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