bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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