totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You ate ashes out of my bong
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
