hell yes lets make some ravioli
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
