Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
