He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
