in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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