I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
