She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
