Small penises have feelings too.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
