We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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