ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
