love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
