were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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