i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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