if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
