I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My life is pants optional.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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