I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
