I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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