wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
