he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
