It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize