so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
