You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
