She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
