thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize