How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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