This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
