What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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